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#5440683 - 11/24/14 12:38 PM Dilemma for me, question for the board
Hoosier Texan Offline
Woodsman

Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 106
Loc: Justin, TX
Wow, where to start as this is kinda hard to talk about but need advice. So my ex a couple years back decided it was OK, without asking me first, to let her boyfriend take my son hunting for the first time ever instead of allowing me that opportunity and memory...even going as far as taking it upon himself to "teach" my son to shoot for the first time and again without even talking to me first. Mind you this is the boyfriend she had an affair with and divorced me for...and yes, I know that's my issue. I've since taken him to sit with me on a number of occasions and decided this year at 10 he is old enough to try and shoot something himself. I bought him a 243, taken him to the range, etc. and we have went hunting a few times but he has not had the opportunity to take a deer yet while with me, his father.

Now this morning I get an email from his mother, instead of a call, saying that my son has an opportunity to go deer hunting this weekend and she doesn't want him not to be able to shoot something if he has a chance. She's asking for his license so he can shoot a deer if he has the chance or for me to explain why he can't shoot something without his dad there. I don't want to be the selfish one and say no, but there's a very good chance that I'm going to miss out on sharing the memory of my son's 1st deer just like I had the memory of having him go hunting the first time with me taken away.

So my question is what would you all do?

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#5440712 - 11/24/14 12:53 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
jdk1985 Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 11701
Loc: Waco, TX
Full disclosure - I have no kids and I've never been divorced myself, so I may be talking out of my rear a bit. My parents were divorced, though, so I have that perspective on the issue at least.

Your son has a mixed family; these things are going to happen. It's part of the aftermath of a divorce with children. It might help if you think about it from his perspective. No matter how much you would be disappointed you did not get to share his first deer with him, you would still be exceedingly proud of him, right?

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#5440721 - 11/24/14 12:57 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
txhunter1010 Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 11/22/10
Posts: 3774
maybe ask if he can just get a doe this weekend and save the first buck for you and him? that way your son can maybe get him a deer this weekend but you and him can experience an even greater thrill

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#5440732 - 11/24/14 01:01 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
Harley7892 Offline
Woodsman

Registered: 08/13/14
Posts: 174
Loc: Denton
By not letting your son go could drive a wedge between you and him, he is only 10, besides when you and he are together the best will come for both of you.
If he does get his first deer with someone else he and you still have the chance of his first deer with you and might be able to teach more than you know.
The best.

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#5440733 - 11/24/14 01:02 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: txhunter1010]
rattler03 Offline
Tracker

Registered: 02/22/14
Posts: 728
Loc: Richardson - Archer County
Originally Posted By: txhunter1010
maybe ask if he can just get a doe this weekend and save the first buck for you and him? that way your son can maybe get him a deer this weekend but you and him can experience an even greater thrill


This sounds like a good compromise to me. You don't look like the bad guy for saying no, but you still get the chance to experience his first buck with him.
_________________________
Walk the night, travel light, cross the Rio Grande
Someone strums a mandolin, soft gulf breezes blow
My new life is waiting in old Mexico
-Robert Earl Keen

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#5440735 - 11/24/14 01:04 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
JRJ6 Offline
Extreme Tracker

Registered: 03/13/14
Posts: 3896
Loc: Dallas, TX
I would be as supportive as you can. He needs to know you have his back no matter what. If you put your foot down, he will not be mad at your ex or her boyfriend, you will take that one.

There is plenty of season left and years of hunting together to come. If he has the opportunity, he should take it.

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#5440739 - 11/24/14 01:05 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
banderabound Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 03/30/14
Posts: 333
Loc: Bandera, TX
I'm a divorced father of two boys.

I never compromised in the least and wouldn't in this case.

Let it be known 100%. Tell the ex, your son, and the BF you'll take him hunting for his first deer.

And…welcome to a lifetime of this horsecrap. It isn't ever easy.

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#5440747 - 11/24/14 01:09 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
banderabound Offline
Bird Dog

Registered: 03/30/14
Posts: 333
Loc: Bandera, TX
I understand all the other replies. But I'm telling you from experience, do not expect compromise if you don't put your foot down. Be the bad guy. Be selfish. Make them mad.

If you don't … man, can you imagine if you let this BF have this memory and he's no longer a part of your son's life anymore???

Screw that - no way.

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#5440757 - 11/24/14 01:15 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
Kenneth1977 Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 08/02/13
Posts: 2057
Loc: Alvarado,TX
Dont let your own selfishness take away from your kids happiness !
_________________________
www.leemetalfab.com


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#5440769 - 11/24/14 01:25 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
Mambajeep Offline
Pro Tracker

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 1130
Loc: Canton/Athens
He's 10, if he wants to go, let him go.
_________________________
Sometimes chicken, sometimes feathers

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#5440779 - 11/24/14 01:32 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Mambajeep]
Texas Dan Online   content
THF Celebrity

Registered: 07/28/08
Posts: 11233
Originally Posted By: Mambajeep
He's 10, if he wants to go, let him go.


I agree. The boy's interests come first.
_________________________
Dan,

Spring, Texas

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#5440786 - 11/24/14 01:38 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
michael89 Offline
Light Foot

Registered: 09/16/14
Posts: 20
hello...my name is Michael.... I write from italy.....

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#5440824 - 11/24/14 01:55 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
Dave B Offline
Tracker

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 734
Loc: Adamsville
The best day besides the day my 3 daughters were born was the day I wrote that last child support check. Their momma lived off of them since she did not have a job and now doesn't have squat to show for it. My girls are all successful since I put all 3 thru college without any cost to them. Not everyone has that ability with finances but I ate a bunch of bologna sandwiches to make it happen. I was blessed with being able to take my kids fishing for the first time catching fish and that was a blessing. They were never interested in hunting. He may teach your son to hunt or ride a bike or be there when he is sick at home. Pissed me off that someone else had that right with my daughters but do not talk down or berate your ex in front of your son about his mom or her boyfriend. Congratulate him if he makes a kill then put him on a bigger and better deer. Point is to be engaged in the upbringing of your son. There will always be someone else in the life of a divorced family. Make your time with your son SPECIAL.
_________________________


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#5440831 - 11/24/14 01:56 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
RedSnake Offline
Veteran Tracker

Registered: 05/08/10
Posts: 2989
Loc: Dallas / Nolan County
Bust him out of school tomorrow or wed and take him before the other guy.

Best feeling I ever has was when I was summoned to the principals office and was told my dad was there to pick me up for a "family emergency". Got in the car and he had it loaded with our gear. Don't remember if we got anything or even where we went but I do remember thinking how cool it was that dad wanted to take me.
_________________________


by RedSnake Enterprises, LLC
www.i-Solunar.com

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#5440849 - 11/24/14 02:02 PM Re: Dilemma for me, question for the board [Re: Hoosier Texan]
BenBob Offline
THF Trophy Hunter

Registered: 01/27/06
Posts: 5816
Loc: Undercover
Keep your boy happy so you can be happy. Explain to him that you want to be with him when he kills his first deer and many other things that occur in life, but by the same token you don't want to stand in the way of him being happy. If you continuously do what is best for him, in the long run he will figure it out. On the flip side if you continuously do what is best for you, he will figure that out also. Kids should not have to make a choice. Been there and done the entire thing, but it was with 2 daughters instead of a son.
_________________________
Tired, Wired, and Uninspired

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