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Some old country sayings....... #2943477 01/19/12 03:15 PM
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reeltexan Offline OP
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I don't play—I quit school ’cause of recess.

I was so nervous I didn't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

She was battin' her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm.

You walk slower then turtles in molasses screwing.

His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.

Well, I'd smack the fire out of 'em if they acted that way around me.

That's worthless as chicken crap on the pump handle.

It's hotter than a billygoat with a blowtorch.

Heavier than a dead preacher.

Ain't gotta pot to piss in let alone a window to throw it out.

I'm up to my [censored] in alligators.

He didn't know who's weeds he was pissing in.

Funnier than a retard eatin hotwings.

That's so hard to do it'd be like trying to put butter up a wildcat's [censored] with a hot poker!

She has two speeds. Slow and stop.

That boy is so ugly he couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds.

That girl is like a doornob...everyone gets a turn.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust if it wasn't for women our peckers would rust.

He looks greener than gourd guts.

I'd fight tigers in the dark with a switch for her.

I'd rather stare directly at the sun with binoculars than ...

He's the biggest liar who ever crapped behind shoeleather.

He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.

He's as nellie as pink ink.

That smells like the outhouse door of a shrimp boat.

It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.





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"Give me an Army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle... Give me a handful of Texas Aggies and I'll win a war." - General Patton


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: reeltexan] #2944229 01/19/12 07:52 PM
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BYPATHofNIGHT Offline
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That would gag the buzzards off a gut wagon...
Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs...
Older than dirt...



Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: BYPATHofNIGHT] #2944610 01/19/12 11:03 PM
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nuprofessor Offline
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Heard this one on LIZARD LICK TOWING:
That boy is nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.



CHILDREN ARE OUR FUTURE FOR TOMORROW. INVEST IN TOMORROW BY TAKING A CHILD HUNTING OR FISHING TODAY.
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: nuprofessor] #2944670 01/19/12 11:29 PM
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dawaba Offline
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It smelled as bad as Osama's cave.



"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple.....and wrong." H. L. Mencken
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: dawaba] #2945545 01/20/12 04:14 AM
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CaveManRancher Offline
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Hit him so hard made him piss like a puppy


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: CaveManRancher] #2945612 01/20/12 04:38 AM
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reeltexan Offline OP
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this just in:
"he's nuttier than a squirrel turd"



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"Give me an Army of West Point graduates and I'll win a battle... Give me a handful of Texas Aggies and I'll win a war." - General Patton


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: reeltexan] #2945890 01/20/12 01:26 PM
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ss401 Offline
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"Fruitier than a fruitcake."

"Bless his heart, he was hit with an ugly stick."

"I couldn't trust em as far as I could throw em."

"When I say git you better git or I'll knock the tar outta ya!"

"What happen? You got up on the wrong side of bed?"


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: ss401] #2945898 01/20/12 01:33 PM
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KG68 Offline
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Two of my old favorite's

It's colder than a welldiggers arse

That stuff would gag a maggot


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: KG68] #2946026 01/20/12 02:20 PM
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toolman Offline
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Shaking like a dog trying to sh** a peach seed.
Shining like a diamond in a goats [censored].
Like trying to put a tube sock on a rooster.
Nervous as a whore in church.



Old age ain't for sissies!

Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: KG68] #2946028 01/20/12 02:21 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 32,601
sig226fan (Rguns.com) Offline
duck & cover
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duck & cover
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 32,601
Don't know come here from sic'em


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: sig226fan (Rguns.com)] #2946201 01/20/12 03:25 PM
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Dave007 Offline
Light Foot
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Keep em comin -- some of these are
'finer than frogs hair'
though some are
'about as funny as a submarine with screen doors'


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: Dave007] #2946255 01/20/12 03:44 PM
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TxDispatcher Offline
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My dads 2 favorite sayings

He ain't got enough sense to pour pizz out of a boot if the instructions are written on the bottom

Don't let your alligator mouth overload your spring frog behind



Originally Posted by East...
Originally Posted by East...
I will get off in a little bit

You shouldnt have said that
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: TxDispatcher] #2946321 01/20/12 04:11 PM
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RICK O'SHAY Offline
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I'm happier than a puppy with two peckers.

"I outa go over there".... )reply) Yeah, otters outta hump beavers, but they don't.

Git outta the way and let me do it... you're just like a cub bear playin with his - - - - .

You look like you've been tryin to wash a bob cat with a wire brush, in a 5 gal bucket of gasoline.





DISCLAIMER
ATTENTION: Your decision should NEVER be based SOLELY upon my advice, recomendation, or opinion.
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: RICK O'SHAY] #2946617 01/20/12 06:01 PM
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redchevy Offline
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For something thats hard-

Like running a wet noodle up a widcats azz



It's hell eatin em live
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: redchevy] #2946662 01/20/12 06:17 PM
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ssgp2 Offline
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he's as useless as mudflaps on a turtle.



Friend, I wouldn't harm thee for all the world, but thou art standing where I am about to shoot.
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: ssgp2] #2946665 01/20/12 06:19 PM
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Nightlight Offline
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If he had another brain he'd be completely lonely


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: Nightlight] #2946674 01/20/12 06:22 PM
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janie Offline
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That went over like a fart during church service.

Busier than a one legged man in a butt-kickin contest.



He is your friend defender your dog. Be worthy of such devotion

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Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: janie] #2946720 01/20/12 06:45 PM
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Navasot Offline
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"honey child"

"thats about as f-ed up as a bucket of one eyed minners"


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: Navasot] #2948049 01/21/12 02:47 AM
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MikeC Offline
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"You're making more noise that a bell clapper is a gooses azz"



www.connerknives.net

In every old body lives a young person wondering what the hell happened!

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Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: MikeC] #2948438 01/21/12 06:48 AM
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Medinabuck Offline
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I'm serious as a heart attack!

That went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

She's smart as a whip.


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: Medinabuck] #2948525 01/21/12 12:33 PM
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rvf Offline
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I have heard my uncles say these.

Thats slicker than a peeled onion.

My eye(sp) teeth got in front of my tongue and I couldn't see what I was saying.

That dirty old dish rag.


Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: rvf] #2948701 01/21/12 03:05 PM
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Hunt n Fish Offline
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I'm so confused I don't know whether I found a rope or lost my horse......!



HnF

"Prayer is when you talk to the Lord, Meditation is when you listen to what he says"
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: sig226fan (Rguns.com)] #2949077 01/21/12 05:39 PM
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little minnow Offline
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If someones ugly: "They look like they were spoon fed with a sling shot......bless their heart"



Josh Richards
Fossil Creek Tree Farm, Nursery and Landscaping
817-306-7111
7744 Blue Mound Rd.
Ft. Worth, TX 76131


Come, follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.

Jesus
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: sig226fan (Rguns.com)] #2949079 01/21/12 05:41 PM
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little minnow Offline
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That boy could screw up a ball bearing.



Josh Richards
Fossil Creek Tree Farm, Nursery and Landscaping
817-306-7111
7744 Blue Mound Rd.
Ft. Worth, TX 76131


Come, follow me and I will make you a fisher of men.

Jesus
Re: Some old country sayings....... [Re: little minnow] #2949103 01/21/12 05:51 PM
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Some women can't help being ugly but they could stay home!



Character is what you do when nobody's looking.
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